{Suede Dreams Unfulfilled}

So my rawk star got to see bloody SUEDE (or brett, more like) yester-night while i was at my ever so hip n happening Turkey/Greece trippers reunion.

And while miewmiew took photo after photo of brett n co. (plus v nice cuddly close piccy w simon gilbert!!) *am turning v green now* i had the unenviable task of babysitting some of kids last night. Thankfully they're all lovely children (i swear they are mini angels in disguise) so it wasn't that bad. But after a few hours of singing at alumni choir, and then running around our host's house trying damnably hard not to let the kids get in the way/injure themselves + trying to entertain them was exhausting, to say the least. I don't know how parents do it-- ie: looking after a kid full time + the works. Hoo boy.

And then there was church choir rehearsal this very morn. Had to haul meself outta bed at 8am (okay so its not that early but i slept at 3am after reunion) and navigate the streets of west coast rd to get myself to one of the member's apartments for warm ups etc. Sang for both the morning and noon services, v v tiring stuff cuz the song's bleedin' high. (high A #. wtf) Went for musical auditions after that (against my better judgement-- lets just say peer pressure is indeed a force not to be reckoned with), screwed it up majorly because i refused to sing a song for them as i was basically unprepared (and thus the fear of sounding like an edgar-- ref. prev. entry-- continually lurks at the edge of my subconscious mind. Hurhurhur.) Plus voice is dying. I think i've way too many singing commitments-- much as i truly enjoy singing there's only so much one can take! I'm not enriching me life with other activities (ie: sports n other stuff) so i suppose i'd better get down to getting fit (may, aaron, alvin when's our next badminton session eh?!)

Will be starting my life-enriching activities *snort* tonight, actually. Hah. Am going for some ballet thingy with Aaron in about half an hour. May the eyes stay open and not fail me this time (thinks back to leo's dead dead boring SSO concert)

{The Makings of an AMERICAN IDOL}

Hahahahahahahahaha (ad nauseum)

I haven't laughed this much in eons, i swear. You must watch American Idol, folks. If you're feeling depressed and blue or just bored witless, a hour of this show will surely lift your spirits and make you feel just that much better. I mean, when you've got contestants like Edgar (and many others, its just that i was laughing too hard to recall their names) belting *snorts snorts snorts* out the song Escape in typical drama-queen fashion, it just serves to put your whole life in 'perspective' man. Hoho.

Like, wow (!!!), our lives are no como desgraciado as we think it is. Hurhurhurhurhur.

Ya'll have to catch it next week. Its Comedy Central on 5, i say.

NOTE: terrible singers aside, there are some folks with truly amazing amazing voices. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

p.s: i'm testing out a new commenting system, if it takes an insanely long time to load (like the yaccs one does) pls feedback yes? thankee.

{All work and NO PAY makes me a VERY dull girl}

After 11 attempts, finally got through to the law firm. Spoke to one of the partners (i think) and to cut a long story short-- I'll be starting my attatchment with them come feb, 5 days a week, working hours 9-5. Standard work hours yes? And although its supposed to be a job attachment, i have this nasty feeling its gonna end up as job instead, because, mr. partner's already told me (quote) "you'll be working on an ad-hoc basis yada yada yada... just do whatever we tell you to do. there'll be no renumeration (great emphasis on these 2 words from him), you understand?" me: "urm that's perfectly fine ... ... ... and how long is my attachment going to be?" mr partner goes "lets try a month first, if there's any need you can always extend your attachment, yes?" me: "okay thanks a lot mister ### ! names are classified info. hur." *dripping with false enthusiasm*

oh, the things i do for a better looking cv.

and yes, i need a better looking cv due to (predicted) massive lack of As and Bs on my 'a' level cert. this child needs as much help as she can get.

So i'll basically be tea-girl/photocopying girl/do all the nasty little odd jobs girl for a bloody feckin' month. And the worst thing is, i'll be doing it for FREE. i need $$$$$$$. NEEED. WAAANT. *insert string of expletives here* And while may and kim are free to start the tuitioning thing the 3 of us have organised, i'll be stuck working my arse off for a supposed attachment. *tears hair* Not entirely sure how the firm'll take to me asking for mondays and thursdays off due to prior work arrangements (yes, my sole moolah earning job, haha), but hopefully they'll have a heart and allow me not to go to the office on both the days. Many a person has told me to ask the company for $$$ for my transport and lunchies etc etc but knowing those penny pinching people they'd probably rather see me starve. *frowns*

I know i should be v thankful for opportunities like this (they don't come along everyday and was a friend's mum who kindly recommended me for the attachment) but i'm currently in a v grouchy mood so don't mind me. Perhaps i'll see the brighter side of things after i get my 1st pay packet from my other job, eh. Ha.


p.s. the white flower at the side can pass off as simbelmynë no? lurrvely.

p.p.s. have uploaded more photos of turkey/greece trip. have about 2k plus photos from that same trip stored in my computer thanks to my 'trigger-happy' father. i think the 1gig memory card didn't help things either. Ah well.

{Psychoanalysed?}

Everytime i take these tests i invariably end up with results where i have the identical same high in more than 1 category. Apparently these are the 2 types (i'm usually a 7 on most of the other enneagrams i've taken but this is the 1st time i'm a 6 as well) i belong to, hrm. Anyhow, it makes for interesting reading.

===============

Been trying to get thru to this law firm for my job attachment the whole day but somehow the chap i'm supposed to speak to is never around! Curse my ill luck. After my 4th futile attempt have finally left my number with his secretary and hopefully he calls back soon. *crosses fingers*

And now on to the enneagrams!


free enneagram test


The Busy, Fun-Loving Type:
Spontaneous, Versitle, Acquisitive, and Scattered
(The Manic-Depressive and Histrionic Personality Disorders)

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content — to have their needs fulfilled
Enneagram Seven with a Six-Wing: "The Entertainer"
Enneagram Seven with an Eight-Wing: "The Realist"


Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Seven

Healthy: Highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience. Most extroverted type: stimuli bring immediate responses — they find everything invigorating. Lively, vivacious, eager, spontaneous, resilient, cheerful. / Easily become accomplished achievers, generalists who do many different things well: multi-talented. Practical, productive, usually prolific, cross-fertilizing areas of interest. At Their Best: Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of life: joyous and ecstatic. Intimations of spiritual reality, of the boundless goodness of life.

Average: As restlessness increases, want to have more options and choices available to them. Become adventurous and "worldly wise," but less focused, constantly seeking new things and experiences: the sophisticate, connoisseur, and consumer. Money, variety, keeping up with the latest trends important. / Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things — many ideas but little follow through. / Get into conspicuous consumption and all forms of excess. Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, never feeling that they have enough. Demanding and pushy, yet unsatisfied and jaded. Addictive, hardened, and insensitive.

Unhealthy: Desperate to quell their anxieties, can be impulsive and infantile: do not know when to stop. Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive. / In flight from self, acting out impulses rather than dealing with anxiety or frustrations: go out of control, into erratic mood swings, and compulsive actions (manias). / Finally, their energy and health is completely spent: become claustrophobic and panic-stricken. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide.

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.

Examples: JFK, Benjamin Franklin, Leonard Bernstein, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Taylor, W.A. Mozart, Steven Spielberg, Federico Fellini, Dr. Richard Feynman, Timothy Leary, Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Bette Midler, Chuck Berry, Elton John, Mick Jagger, Gianni Versace, Liza Minelli, Joan Collins, Malcolm Forbes, Noel Coward, Sarah Ferguson, Larry King, Joan Rivers, Regis Philbin, Howard Stern, John Belushi, and "Auntie Mame" (Mame).






The Committed, Security-Oriented Type:
Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious
(The Passive-Aggressive and Paranoid Personality Disorders)

Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance
Basic Desire: To have security and support
Enneagram Six with a Five-Wing: "The Defender"
Enneagram Six with a Seven-Wing: "The Buddy"


Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Six

Healthy: Able to elicit strong emotional responses from others: very appealing, endearing, lovable, affectionate. Trust important: bonding with others, forming permanent relationships and alliances. / Dedicated to individuals and movements in which they deeply believe. Community builders: responsible, reliable, trustworthy. Hard-working and persevering, sacrificing for others, they create stability and security in their world, bringing a cooperative spirit. At Their Best: Become self-affirming, trusting of self and others, independent yet symbiotically interdependent and cooperative as an equal. Belief in self leads to true courage, positive thinking, leadership, and rich self-expression.

Average: Start investing their time and energy into whatever they believe will be safe and stable. Organizing and structuring, they look to alliances and authorities for security and continuity. Constantly vigilant, anticipating problems. / To resist having more demands made on them, they react against others passive-aggressively. Become evasive, indecisive, cautious, procrastinating, and ambivalent. Are highly reactive, anxious, and negative, giving contradictory, "mixed signals." Internal confusion makes them react unpredictably. / To compensate for insecurities, they become sarcastic and belligerent, blaming others for their problems, taking a tough stance toward "outsiders." Highly reactive and defensive, dividing people into friends and enemies, while looking for threats to their own security. Authoritarian while fearful of authority, highly suspicious, yet, conspiratorial, and fear-instilling to silence their own fears.

Unhealthy: Fearing that they have ruined their security, they become panicky, volatile, and self-disparaging with acute inferiority feelings. Seeing themselves as defenseless, they seek out a stronger authority or belief to resolve all problems. Highly divisive, disparaging and berating others / Feeling persecuted, that others are "out to get them," they lash-out and act irrationally, bringing about what they fear. Fanaticism, violence. / Hysterical, and seeking to escape punishment, they become self-destructive and suicidal. Alcoholism, drug overdoses, "skid row," self-abasing behavior.

Key Motivations: Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.

Examples: RFK, Malcolm X, Princess Diana, George Bush, Tom Hanks, Bruce Springsteen, Candice Bergen, Gilda Radner, Meg Ryan, Helen Hunt, Sigourney Weaver, Mel Gibson, Patrick Swayze, Julia Roberts, Phil Donahue, Jay Leno, John Goodman, Diane Keaton, Woody Allen, David Letterman, Andy Rooney, Jessica Lange, Tom Clancy, J. Edgar Hoover, Richard Nixon, and "George Costanza" (Seinfeld).



Another one-- since i cant see them live (dangitall) here's a quiz to make up for it. Strange logic, i have. *blank look*

So Darling... Which Suede Album are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

{A Brand New Day}

Muchas gracias to Siobhan, Tris and Ollie for being some of the best mates money can't buy. Ho! Its a v warm, gooey, mushy feeling to know that you've got friends to turn to where-ever, when-ever (gaaah think shakira and do a jiggly bum twisty thing) you need 'em. Its lovely catching up with ya'll. It helps bring back many fandabi-double-dozi memories from home. *smiles*

And its also nice to know that some friends who you think you've lost aren't lost at all-- they've merely been misplaced for a while, tha's all. Glad you took the chance and cleared the air with all o' us, "Farmer C"! Quote comm. song-- that's what friends are for, no? Good luck with your secret army mission, man. Hohoho *pats back*

Yes-- its job day again today. I'm starting to enjoy it more now that i'm teaching the sops (thankfully not the altos any longer-- its too low for me to sing comfortably) and that they seem like pretty nice kids. But the only downside? They seem to have this nasty habit of calling every teacher-esque/instructor-esque person they see 'CHER!!! (ie: the short form for teacher. the nice sounding tea- part is all but gone from their speech. Crrrrap.) I absolutely bloody hate how it sounds-- ever since i first heard in some years back. And now, horror of all horrors, that's what they're calling MEEEEE!!! The sound of it makes my hair stand, i swear. But that aside, they're all nice ppl. All i need to do now is to master the art of blocking out that single word and i think i'll be fine. I hope?!

p.s. finally got my commenting box up n running again--- hate the non-matching themes but what to do? can't change it cuz of miew's hacked yaccs account. Bleaugh.

p.p.s. Its about time! I thought they'd never get around to doing this. Check it out!

{Close Encounters of the ??? Kind}

Why does the past have this nasty habit of creeping up on you? Its been creeping up (well, not exactly creeping-- its more like a huge slap in the face, i reckon) on me a little too often in this new year. Received phone call from a person i haven't heard from (or seen) in 2 years last night--- in fact didn't even know the chap was in town. V cryptic conversation, culminating in him asking me to meet him at City Hall at about 12mn. I dunno why i agreed, perhaps its because we didn't really part ways on v good terms 2 yrs back, and so i hauled myself down in a cab at 11.30pm. All i can say is that i'm utterly confused, a little traumatized and v agitated after talking to him... And i'm more than a little pissed at his re-introduction into my life at this point of time. I sincerely hopes he flies back to england soon, because he complicates my life! Feckin' hell.

Yes, am fully aware this post makes no sense at all but i just needed to get that off my chest.

Chuh.


necesito hablar con el suspiro de ryan!!! tal miseria. *sighs*

{Insomniaaac}

'tis 4am in the early morn and i can't seem to fall asleep, for whatever reasons. Think its that blasted coffee-drinky-thingy i had before i started watching the sixth sense on the telly just now. Urrrgh. And there's still work tomorrow! Okaay, its in the early afternoon but still... I need at least 10hrs of sleep to function normally man. *snorts* Spent about half an hour learning up the score i have to teach tmr (for aforementioned job)--- crosses fingers v v v v v hard that i'll be able to play the piano competently *breaks out into cold sweeeat at thought* as well as having to sing the insanely low alto part (at least to me its low) complete with malay lyrics (i will prbly murder poor language due to crap pronunciation-- urrrrgh!). Feel v worried abt self's status patheticus musical bkgrd when sops will be taken by music genius may! Auuugh the stress, the stress.

*rubs eyes* been entertaining meself with aimless surfing/talking to a few spesh-y individuals on icq and bouts of laughter-- induced by the one and only cassandra claire, author extraordinaire of the infamous Very Secret Diaries. First read 'em when FOTR 1st came out 2 yrs back but now thanks to a linky-link from me rawk star, i've revisited the site and have been treated to a host of new VSDs inspired by TTT. Hohoho! Check it out if you can, folks (aww man like she needs any more publicity! just loookit the number of comments she gets. Fwaaaaw! Cult status, she has achieved). Its funny, funnyyyy stuff. Not for the LOTR purist, i have to say.

{Arty-Farty Inclinations for 2003... Fwaw!}

We are blind until we see,
That in the human plan
Nothing is worth the making
If it does not make the man.

Why build these cities glorious
If man unbuilded goes?
In vain we build the world, unless
The builder also grows.
-- Edwin Markham

a poem *gasp* to usher in the new year (go on, read it, and give it some thought. its quite profound, hoho). hah! i'm a few days late, aren't i?

================

Been alternately bumming around and shopping a little too much, i've just realised. *gulps* yes, waking up at the 11pm every day is beginning to scare me. But with any luck, my days of intertia will soon be over because... *drumroll please* i think i've found a job! Yes, and i think its gonna be a job i'll be fairly comfortable doing as well. So that's a stroke of luck! But still-- am hunting around for young, unsuspecting primary school children to tutor (hawhawhaw), preferably for subjects like english and science. I know pri school math is dead dead easy but i dunno, that subject still has the ability to freeze-dry my insides (its TRUE! its a psychological problem, maaan. hah.) whenever i think about my math paper so i doubt i'll be wanting to teach that. Then there's the prospect of hauling my lazy arse down to some law firm to see what practicing law is all about, an attatchment of sorts to help me finalise my decisions regarding university course applications. Not to mention driving lessons at bbdc. Hate hate hate dastardly duulllll theory lessons (of which each session costs ard $17!!! arrgh) which seem completely pointless since we've got the basic theory handbook already.

Yesh, and there's alumni later on.

Incidentally, that singnet problem is still bloody affecting my internet connection. Am really v fed up with it, so i WILL call them up on monday to see what's going on... Gaah.

For now its back to my latest addiction-- championship manager. *rubs hands gleeeefully* yesh, am becoming v pro manager indeed. have led my team to achieve glorious things-- winning the serie a, the european champions league etc etc after managing inter for merely a single season! hahahahahaaha am pro man, pro.